One of the Hardest Days of My Life

Nothing can describe how I feel at this moment. Today was probably one of the hardest days I have had to face and when I describe it on here, it won't seem like such a big deal or something to really be sad about, but to me it is a big deal. Me, Brittany, Jackie, and Ariel woke up this morning, got ready, went to graduation practice, and just had fun. I took Ariel home and I went back up to the school to help KRay in her room. Then I went to my grandparents' house and picked my brother up and we ran errands and got something to eat. Well, I had realized that I forgot to clean out my part of KRay's cabinet that had allllll of my stuff in it. So, Dakota and I went back up to the school to do that (locking my keys in the car and getting Jackie to take me to my house to get a spare key in the process), and the whole time I was holding back my tears because it is JUST NOW hitting me that I am graduating and nothing will ever be the same again. Cleaning out my part of the cabinet made me realize just how much KRay has been there for me and just how much I'm going to truly miss her. I haven't cried all week long about leaving because it never really hit me, and I guess it was because I spent almost everyday with KRay this week helping her, so I had no need to say goodbye to her (or anybody for that matter) quite yet. Just looking back at my freshman year, she was just another teacher and I would have never guessed back then that a teacher would become one of my best friends. I have known her for 4 years and she has helped me more than anybody has ever helped me outside of my family, and she never had to. As I cleaned out my part of the cabinet and leaving her room for the last time it finally hit me that I would no longer go in her room to get my books between classes, I would no longer go in there asking her if she had crackers because of my blood sugar being low, I would no longer go in there and give her a hug when I could tell she was having a bad day, and I would no longer go in there and hear her say, "HEY GIRLFRIEND!". All of the memories just rushed back in from all of the times I've cried on her shoulder to the busting out laughs over the most ridiculous things. I keep saying this over and over again, but I always ask myself, "what am I going to do without her next year?" (and better yet, what will SHE do without ME next year?) She (and Mrs. Moore) always tell me that it's going to hurt and saying goodbye will be painful to say, but that 1. goodbyes don't last forever, 2. they're always a phone call away and a hall apart, and 3. I'm ready to go and be on my path. I don't feel like I'm ready though no matter how many times they tell me I am and no matter how many pieces of advice they give me, I just don't feel ready. And that has a lot to do with me not being able to cope with change quickly. So in a way, I know I AM ready, but not ready to face the changes I guess you could say. Those two women are amazing. They have helped me SO much when they never had to, but they did and I'm so glad they did because I would NOT be the person I am today without those two. I just hope that I don't cry too bad tomorrow at my graduation party when they're both there...lol.