????

I've been...I don't even know anymore. I feel so hurt and I wish I didn't feel that way. Today I went to church and Pastor Dan talked about how we need to go to God and put everything in us on him when we're in a "personal storm," and that's so true and I wish I could do that ALL of the time instead of just SOME of the time. After church today, I met up with my stepmom (who's been divorced to my dad for like 5 years now, but I still consider her my stepmom) and she's been having some trouble with her husband and stuff. Well she told me that she had told her husband that she had a step-daughter who lives in Lexington who never asked her to do ANYTHING for her, but to love her. And that this step-daughter loves her for HER and not for the things she does for her. And that step-daughter would be me. It hurts so bad that I don't get to see my stepmom but like once a year if that. And it hurts that I have been through so much in my life, but I still stay strong and push it all passed me. But sometimes, it's very hard and I just want to cry. I hate that my dad made mistakes in his life. Sometimes, I wish that when my dad left that he would have just never talked to me again because I think I'd be better off right now. I know that's ugly and I know that God does things for a reason and that he puts obstacles in your way to see how much you can handle and the more obstacles a person faces, the stronger that person is, but I get so frustrated and so hurt so many times that I just wish it would all go away. I know that I should never wish something away because God does EVERYTHING for a reason. I've had to go through my mom's and dad's divorce and then my dad's and Tammy's and that hurt more than anything. I just want to scream and cry until I can't anymore. I just feel like driving until I run out of gas and just see where God leads me next. I feel like God is leading me somewhere, but I can't figure it out and He won't tell me BECAUSE He wants me to figure out on my own, but with His help as well. I'm just confused and I want to move on with my life and the things I have been through.