God's Timing

Wow! That's all that can come out of my mouth at the moment. I went to church this morning, and I'm so relieved. After a year and a half of not going to church, it feels really good to go back. My best friend Brittany went with me, too and I'm so glad she came with me. She told me that she doesn't do very good with churches, but wanted to go with me to be with me. And what's so amazing about all of this is Brittany told me that she finally accepted God in her heart. Once she told me that, I just started crying. God did all of this for a reason. To save someone and to grow an even stronger relationship. And I think that's amazing. All of the activities and obstacles that have tried to get in my way this week, God pushed them all to the side. I find it amazing that Brittany and I didn't even plan for her to spend the night at my house last night. It was a last-minute thing. When I told her that I was going to go to church, she told me she'd just go home, but instead, she went with me and accepted God. It's just so overwhelming it's not even funny. And I thank God for that.

"The steps of the Godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand."
Psalm 37:23-24

"I waited patiently for the LORD; And He inclined to me, And heard my cry."
Psalm 40:1

"The LORD is with you when you are with him. If you seek him, he will be found by you….."
2 Chronicles 15:2

Not Turning Back

Well, this week has been a very interesting week, and when I say interesting, I mean not good at all. But it's getting a lot better. I'm just staying strong and putting everything in God's hand. Tomorrow, I'm actually going back to my church for the first time in a year and a half, so I'm a little nervous about that and I really don't know why. I haven't been there in a year and a half and I know once I step foot inside Pisgah, there will be stares and gasps...but I'm ready. I've been ready for a long time to go back to that church and this week is the week. God's pushing me towards it and a lot of things have been trying to get in my way this week, but God has somehow pushed those activities and other things aside, and I'm so glad He's doing that for me. I'm really excited though, maybe that's why I'm so nervous. I miss going to church. Even though I really feel like my relationship with God has grown since I stopped going to church, in my heart I know my relationship with God will grown even stronger.

I pray really really hard that I will lay everything in my heart on God. I pray that God will keep giving me strength throughout the week and weeks to come. I pray that He'll just be with me tomorrow at church and open my heart.

"The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." Deuteronomy 31:8

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=52165367

Just listen to this song and tell me if it doesn't motivate you or relate to you in some way because it sure does motivate me and relate to me. I don't really like Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana, but some of her songs are just amazing! This song reminds me of when I'll be going off to college soon, and how even though I'll won't to quick and give up, I just have to keep climbing and staying strong through the goodbyes, the separtions, and just the whole college experience. The "climb" will make it all worth while in the end, and I think that's amazing!

Just wanted to share that with everyone! Hope everyone had an amazing Valentine's Day or S.A.D. day for you single, sad people...lol =]

Say Goodbye to the Presence of Homebody...ness

So, it's REALLY late (or should I say early because it's definitely morning right now...lol), but anyways. I'm JUST NOW noticing something or at least I think I am: I think that I have gotten over my homebody-ness just a little bit, and I noticed this just now by thinking back during the summer when I was at my stepmom's house with her and her family. I was with my stepmom for 8 days, and did NOT want to come home (and trust me this isn't normal for me because I am THE biggest homebody there is). Maybe that was because I hadn't seen her in such a long time, and I just felt comfortable. I just had a lot of me-time that I needed for a long time. I'm so busy and I tell myself, "Oh, I'll go take a walk around the pond," or "Oh, I'll go paint outside," but then I get distracted. My stepmom lives 2 hours away in West Union near Clemson, and being out of my comfort zone felt good. It felt like I could be a total different person, not in a way that changes who I truly am of course, but in a way that helps me become a better person. Do you ever feel like that? I've never moved in my life, but think about when you've moved whether it be from school to school, state to state, or even country to country. Do you ever tell yourself, "I can start fresh and become a different/better person."? No one knows you in this "new" place, so you feel like you can just start new. Now I didn't feel like that at my stepmom's house exactly because I was only there for 8 days, but when I think about leaving home to go off to college in the fall, I just think about how I can start fresh in this "new world", these new surroundings. I think about how many goals I can accomplish, and think about each step that God lets me take. I honestly believe that those 8 days I was away from home, helped me somehow by getting used to being in different surroundings. Now I know that once I go off to college in the fall, whether it be at Winthrop or somewhere else, I won't have too many people I know like I did at my stepmom's house (the only 2 people I knew at my stepmom's house was my stepmom and stepbrother....FYI: my dad and stepmom got a divorce when I was going into my freshman year of HS and she got remarried, but I still call her my stepmom and I still talk to her...but anyways). I know that being 2 hours away at college, will be TOTALLY different than being 2 hours away at my stepmom's house where I know someone and feel comfortable around...but when I think about it a little more, that separation between me and my mom and brother helped me a little to get used to what it'll be like in just a few months. I can honestly say I'm ready, scared, but ready. I know that I'll be okay though. God will be watching out for me every step of the way, and I know I can do it. Like Mrs. Moore tells me ALL of the time, "Can't never could."

Your life is a piece of clay, don't let anyone else mold it for you.

So, I've been sitting here just reading this Bible verse over and over again being mesmerized by it. And the Bible verse I will have to save until the end, but I just wanted to talk about it and share what it means to me. (Hopefully everyone has heard of this at some point):
Our relationship with God is like a potter making a clay jar. The first step a potter makes is preparing his/her clay. Then, the potter must wedge the clay which means to mix the clay by hand and form it into a ball smoothing away air bubbles. Then, the potter is ready to shape his/her clay jar. The potter always has an idea in mind on how this clay jar should look. Should it look tall, skinny, short, round, etc. The potter starts forming this clay jar and shaping it how he/she thinks it should look like, making sure it's perfect in every way. Then, the potter puts the clay jar in the kiln for about 3 days. The pottery is then glazed where the potter can add color to the clay jar. The potter then glaze-fires the clay jar for at least another 3 days, and then it turns into a gorgeous piece of art.
That's very similar how God shapes us into the people we are today. God is the potter and we are simply the clay. He sets out this big plan for each and every one of us even before we are conceived, just like the potter has an idea of what he/she wants their art work to come out as. God then forms us, making us all different. No one person is the same. He smoothes all of our problems away as we grow up and trust in Him just like potters do. If a potter didn't smooth out the air bubbles, the clay jar would shatter. God smoothes away our "air bubbles" (problems in our lives) so we don't just give up and "shatter". God shapes us to be the human beings He intended for us to be. Now I know no one knows HOW God exactly makes us or or how He knows which family to put us with because only God knows that...but think about it: just like the potter sets out at least 6 days to put his/her clay jar in the kiln and glaze it, don't you ever wonder how many days God sets out to plan us? To plan our WHOLE life even before we're CONCEIVED! Our life is exactly like a piece of clay. We must let GOD help us shape and form our lives and where we're heading, not other people.
So whenever you're making pottery or even if you see pottery somewhere, remember how God forms you into the person you are today "smoothing away" all of your "air bubbles" and "cracks". It is truly amazing if you think about it.

"Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand." - Isaiah 64:8

Straying Back Home

I'm so tired that I can't even keep my eyes open at the moment, but I have a strong urge to just write. Isn't that weird? You're sooo tired, but still have the motivation to write? Well, anyways....I'm trying really hard to let God control things and I mean EVERYTHING. I want so badly to get out of here so I "can reflect on my life" as 2 of my "moms" say I need to do, and they're exactly right. It's not that I hate this place and I hate living here, no it's not that AT ALL. It's just that I'm ready to leave and not in a negative way, you know? I love this place. I've lived here my whole life, I plan on coming back and teaching here, and I plan to spend the rest of my life in Lexington. I just need some me-time I guess so I can just reflect on things that I've been through and things I'm going through. And I know that I need to put everything in God's hands and give Him 110%. I'm just learning right now. Learning how I'll be able to be 2 hours away from home. Learning how I can put my whole heart in God. Learning how to reflect on things instead of just pushing them away. Learning a lot of things. I will be completely honest, I don't go to church. I used to, but conflict happened and I know that's no excuse at all to not go to church. I used to go to Pisgah Lutheran Church, but I feel so unwanted there really and that hurts so bad because I've been going there since I was about 7 (became a member and baptized when I was 10). I'm just trying to learn where God wants me to go, not just a church, but in life as well. I want to find a church I can truly call home. I want so badly to go back to Pisgah, but I don't know anymore. It tears me apart that I don't go to church and that I don't go to youth and have fun like my friends do at their churches. I feel like there's a huge part of my relationship with God just floating in the wind waiting me to go outside and find it. My mother's saying is, "God can hear me just fine at my front porch," and I know God can because He can hear you everywhere. He's with you wherever you go and whenever you need Him. I just feel like going back to church or even doing some sort of church thing, will help me in my relationship with God. I go to FCA almost every Thursday morning at my school, and it helps me get through my day so much better, but I need more than just FCA. FCA is just on Thursday mornings, and I don't feel like that's enough.

I pray to God that He'll help me either go back to Pisgah with my head-high or help me find another church to call home to. I feel in my heart that God wants me to go back to Pisgah because that IS my home and has been for over 10 years. I pray that God will help me understand everything. I pray that He'll give me strength and courage through everything. I pray that I can give 110% to God and nothing less. I pray that God will just help me open the right doors no matter how many wrong doors I try to go through. And I pray that, once I do leave Lexington to go off to college, God will help me reflect on my life, keep me on my paths, and just stay by my side.

"...and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen." Matthew 28:20

...And just try,
Try as hard and mighty as you possibly can
Push every negative connotation out the window
...And just simply act.
- from my poem The Simply Just

Ecstatic: a feeling of great delight...because it's appropriate

So I'm sitting here researching stuff for my senior project, and I must say, I'm pretty darn ecstatic to do this project. Everyone's stressed out about it (and I won't say I'm not because trust me, I am), but I'm not going to let my stress get in the way of me doing well on this project. I'm really excited about the whole thing. It's all focused on what I want to do once I leave high school, and that makes me even more ecstatic. I hear a lot of people say how dumb and pointless this project is, but I really think that this project will help me become a better teacher with all of the research that is strung into it all. For my product, I'm actually making a lesson plan. Right now I'm looking up ways to make a lesson plan and I'm also looking at printable worksheets and things I can use to tie into my lesson plan. I feel like such a dork for being excited to do this project and for actually working on it a bit early...lol, but I really am excited. I think overall it'll be fun. I just pray to God that He helps me get through all of this without getting so stressed out about it all. I'm just going to try really hard to make this project the best it can be and to make it beneficial to me.

Throwing some Bible verses out there. These 2 are really sticking out to me in my situation:

Matthew 7:7
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

Isaiah 41:10
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Send Me On My Way

I'm learning a lot about myself in many ways lately, and God's name is written all of that. I love how He just shows me what I can do and who I can be with Him in my heart. And that's an amazing feeling that is just too undescribable. The song that is currently #1 on my playlist on here probably sums up what God's doing, and that's sending me on my way. I learn things on a daily basis rather it be school work or just hanging out with different people. I learn so much from my brother on a daily basis it's not even funny. I'm just so thankful for the things I learn rather they be good things, bad things, or simply things that help me be a better person. I just know that God is setting me on a path to help me learn more about myself and to learn other things as well. I just pray that God helps me learn more and keeps me strong. =]

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Psalm 3:5-6