Looking back through high school, it feels so weird that I'm graduating this year. It feels like just yesterday I was a shy, little freshman walking into this big, huge high school. Everyone's right when they say when you're a freshman, you feel like it'll be forever and a day until you graduate...but in reality, it really isn't. It goes by so fast...right before your eyes.
Ever since 10th grade, I've known exactly what I want to do with my life. To be a high school math teacher. I'm crazy, but determined. I have no earthly idea why I want to become a teacher let alone a high school math teacher...but I feel like God is planting this into my head, and He won't let me run away from it. I could be anything I want, why a teacher? A lot of people look at me crazy when I tell them I want to go back to Lexington High School to teach. They always ask me, "why would you want to go back to this hell hole?" And I don't have a particular reason why. It's just something that God's pushing me towards and I CAN'T run away from it because I refuse to. God is setting me on this path for a reason, and I'm determined to figure out this reason.
I've been through a lot in my life, just like a lot of people have. I'm not the type of person to mope around about what I've been through. I talk about it to a select amount of people because I believe you should find at least a few people to relate to. Not saying to shout out your business to the whole world, but just to relate to someone so you don't live with a huge balloon inside of you waiting to burst at any minute. I've got 3 people outside of my family who I tell EVERYTHING to, and I trust those 3 people with my life....but one of them sticks out in particular. And her name is Mrs. Karen Ray (a.k.a. KRazy Rizzle Ray). I've known her since my freshman year of high school. She was my math teacher in 9th grade, and throughout the years, she has grown to be my best friend. I walked into my freshman year as this shy girl who didn't know who she was. I was scared, shy, and lost. I felt like no one could relate to me. I felt like this caterpillar trapped inside it's cocoon for eternity wanting to come out and show its true colors, but didn't know how. I had trust issues because when my daddy left, my trust left with him. Just out the door and lost in the wind, never coming back. I met Mrs. Ray and just thought she was an ordinary teacher. She wrote in my yearbook to come see her the following year and wrote Philippians 4:19: "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." She knew something was going on with me (and I knew she knew), but she wasn't going to be nosy and coax it out of me. But I wanted SO bad for SOMEONE to be nosy. Don't get me wrong, I have the best mother in the world and I can (and could back then) tell her anything and everything. But sometimes the only thing someone needs is for someone other than their family to understand them as well. And that's what Mrs. Ray did and still does to this day. I took what she wrote in my yearbook to heart and visited her that next semester. I would only pop in and tell her hi, but I soon began to stay in her room after school for 5 minutes, and then 30 minutes, and then an hour, and so on. And as I look back on it now, I would NEVER have guessed I could trust or become best friends with a teacher. Mrs. Ray has taught me SO much throughout high school! She has been there for me with open arms and a hug-in store through everything. I wouldn't be the same person today without her. And as my high school years are coming to a close, I don't know how I'll EVER say goodbye to her. I was a "caterpillar" when I walked into her class, and throughout the years, she has helped me turn into a "butterfly". I was lost, confused, hurt, scared, and just felt like giving up on every opportunity that was thrown at me. And she came along and helped me break out of that shell and into the young lady I've become. And I know she'll help me spread my wings and fly once the day comes that I really do have to say goodbye to her at the end of this school year.
I'm TERRFIED to leave high school, I won't lie at all. But I know with the help of God, I can do this. So many doors are going to open up for me and I can't be scared to walk through those doors. Mrs. Ray has helped me become the person I am, and she has taught me so many things that will carry me throughout the rest of my life. I have to do this and I will. I thank God everyday for the doors He has opened for me. I thank Him for the people He has brought in and out of my life especially Mrs. Ray because those people have shaped who I am today and the people who are helping me spread my wings and fly. I know that God has made me such a stronger person and will keep doing so as long as I don't give up on myself. I thank God that I DO have a past even though it wasn't the best and it wasn't the one I had planned, but I know that God did it for a reason. I know that God does everything for a reason, not to punish anyone, but to just make us stronger people inside AND out. One of the many things that Mrs. Ray has taught me that I know will carry me through life is this: not to dwell on the past, but instead; forgive it, let it change me in a positive way, and to just simply let it all go. And that's exactly what I've learned to do, and will keep on learning for the rest of my life.
I don't know what the future holds for me. Only God does, and I'm going to trust in Him to keep me on this path that He's shaping for me. I know there are going to be bumps, holes, and hills in my path, but I'll get through them with the help of God. And I'll be praying that I DO get through them and that I won't stray too far off of my path.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me then you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD,"and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." Jeremiah 29:11-14
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment