Doubting the Doubter

I've always known what I've wanted to do with my life ever since 10th grade, and that's to be a math teacher. I'm going to college in a little over a month and for some reason I'm doubting myself. I know that I should keep faith and not back down on my dreams, but for some odd reason lately I'm doubting on whether or not I should be a math teacher or not. I've recently decided to double major, but not quite sure if I'll be able to this year, but fingers crossed. I want to be a math teacher really bad, but I also want to major in photography because I'm really good at it from what a lot of people tell me and it's just something I love to do in my spare time. So my plan is to double major and do photography on the side. But just recently I've been thinking about a lot of things surrounding my decision. All of these questions just wonder through my mind like, "what if I don't make a good teacher?," and "what if I'm not REALLY as good at math as I thought?" A lot of people ask me why I want to be a math teacher and I just stand there without an answer because frankly, I don't know why I want to be a teacher let alone a HIGH SCHOOL MATH teacher. It's just something I feel that God is pushing me towards. I know that I really like math and it's my strongest subject in school, but other than that, I don't know. I love math, but once I get out of a math class, I forget most of the equations and concepts of the class and being a high school math teacher you have to know ALL of it. I'm just really confused lately and I feel like I'm giving up on myself and on what God wants me to do. I feel like I'm backing out and that I'm just...scared. Scared to face the fact that it'll be hard. I feel like I'm not pushing myself and I'm taking the easy way out, and I don't want to do that. I don't have all of the answers of what God wants me to do and I never truly will, but being a teacher is just something that I feel God is pushing me to and He won't let me let go no matter how hard I try. I think high school teachers probably have one the toughest and bravest jobs (I said ONE of the, not the only) because they stand there in front of 20+ kids in each class and teach THEIR knowledge and trust that it's accurate and that they're helping their students (let alone stand up there and make goobers of themselves when they mess up or trip or tell a corny joke). I don't know, I just pray that all of this will get better. I pray that God helps me with my decision because it is MY decision, no one can tell me what to be. I pray I don't stress out over this and just come up with a solution. I pray that I don't give up on myself or take the easy way out of my fears. I know I'll get through it because I'm not alone. "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear..." 1 John 4:18(my all time favorite) "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6"Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it." Ezra 10:4

Washing Away My Worries and Troubles

I am SO excited right now, and I will tell you why. I have decided that I'm going to DOUBLE major in college so I can do two things that I love to do. I have decided to double major in math education and photography. I've always loved taking pictures and I'm really good at it if I do say so myself. I haven't had a working camera in a few months and it's been driving me nuts, so my mom's been letting me use hers and for the past few days, that's all I've been really doing and that camera has gone pretty much everywhere with me because I always see something when I'm out and say to myself, "gosh I really wish I would have had a camera!" So, I have taken a lot of pictures and everyone tells me that they're REALLY good. I wanted to major in education and minor in either photography or art/design or poetry or something. but I've decided to major in BOTH math education and photography. Yes, I'm going to be a high school math teacher photographer ha! I know those are two totally opposite things, but I just feel like God is pushing me so hard and wanting me to do SO many things with my life and I'm determined to succeed in everything I feel that He's pushing me towards. I am so content right now and I'm so glad that I know what God wants me to do with my life and that I've known since 10th grade even though it has broaden some because in 10th grade, I wanted to teach math, but just didn't know what area or grade and such, but now I know and I'm content. And who knows, those plans could ALL change later down the road, but right now that's what I'm doing and I won't settle for less. I'm ready to go off to college and pursue my dreams and I'm so glad I have God right by my side.Well it's definitely almost 2 in the morning and I have to wake up in like 5 hours to go to the beach with Chrysalis. YAY! :D So goodnight all